I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
how does that bad decision feel?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
