lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
This house was built for laser tag.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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