i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Who wears a wallet chain?!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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