Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
