If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
