Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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