you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
