If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
