I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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