Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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