dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
