I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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