In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
