Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize