This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
