i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
