My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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