Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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