We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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