i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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