Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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