i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
