kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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