I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
