Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
