Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
