i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
