Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
