I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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