Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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