Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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