for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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