u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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