I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
