Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
