I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he told me I talked like a deaf person
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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