Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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