There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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