he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
