you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Don't make out with my wife yet
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
