Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
