i'm lost and i look like a hooker
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
