i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
