Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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