what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
