hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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