I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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