be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am mentally ready for anal.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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