You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
