For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
