You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
YAS. BRING CRAB.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
