I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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