omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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