What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
