I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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