sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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