it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
