I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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