I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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