my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
