Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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