Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
