her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
