I will die if light touches me.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
