he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
