Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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