never play flip cup with pint glasses
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
