The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
