Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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