she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize