I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
