is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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